So I am sitting here debating throwing my phone into the swamp. I am not fucking kidding. John messaged me. WHY? To torment me? I do not understand his thought process. He is seriously the biggest jerk I have ever encountered in my life. He is making me physically sick. I knew it was a big mistake to contact him for his birthday. He is one of those that deflects all his shit onto someone else. Can’t take responsibility. It is like talking to a child; a big fucking man child. I really don’t think I could live with myself if I ever treated anyone the way he does me. I have a tough time turning someone down for a date; I couldn’t imagine fucking with someone’s head. He just keeps going on and on like the hurtful things he say will make me laugh. I am so sorry I don’t find fucking with my life funny. I wonder if he realizes he caused most of my insecurities, the main one being that I am not good enough for anyone. My self esteem is shot. I cry every night. I feel ugly. All because of him. Pathetic, right?
I am definitely realizing I do not like NAMB more than just a friend/fuck. He really is one of my best friends though. Not sure where I would be without him. He is slowly building my confidence back. VERY SLOWLY. We had a great discussion about what our boundaries are and it is no refreshing to have someone to fuck that actually communicates.
Now on to Romeo. Y’all. I legit fucking can’t deal with him. Over the summer he asks me to be his girlfriend, then acted like he never asked. So we had a long talk one night about OUR boundaries, because I went off on him and he didn’t like it. So we decided to be best friends forever. Great, right? Yea, thats what I thought too. So I decided to invite him to our company Christmas party because he is always fun. The party is tomorrow and I am now dateless because I uninvited him 🙂
I am all for us being friends, but if he is going to whore around, I don’t want to be caught up in it and have people think we are fucking. Nah. Plus I am salty as fuck that he brought some old hag to a Christmas party instead of me. The party was actually at a friend’s sister’s house. Someone that I know well. So why not invite me?! The only reason I found out about it is because some of my girlfriends were at a bar one night that he was at with his hag. She was all over him. I am not going to be associated with that.
I am just so lost as to why he didn’t invite me to the party. Not long before that he was telling me how much fun he has with me, I get along with everyone, blah blah. So why sleep on me? About to put him in the category with John since he is making me feel like there is something wrong with me.
I am just going to leave it at that for the night. I am tired…mentally and physically.