NUEVE DE MAYO

So I guess you all have been wondering where I have been. Okay, no ya’ll haven’t. No one really gives a shit and I totally feel that, because I don’t give a shit about where I been either. Ive been in a fucked up, kind of floating, kind of just existing, type of place. I’ve been eating fabulously though (trying to lose weight), but I think the debacle that was Cinco de Mayo completely FUCKED that up. Anyway, I have no idea where to even start. Give me sec while I go back and see where I left off.

*queue awesome Kenny G elevator music*

Ah yes, the Dear John letter. Blech. Ironically, he is the reason I have been feeling like I hate life more than ever. So in January I started casually seeing this guy. We will call him Petunia. Petunia and I have been friends for probably five years now. Last year he tried hard to take me on a date and I shut it down every time. So in January I contacted him and said fuck it let’s go out. We went on a sushi date and it was amazing. Never a dull moment. This casual shit went on for about three months. Finally in April, I decided to make it official. WHATTT???!!! Yes, I know…shocking. I’ll give you all a moment to collect yourselves. So things were going okay, and it hit me that I do not want to be with this kid. He wants to be together 24/7 and I just want to be left alone most days. So, in my usual fashion, I ended it.

The shitty part is that I used to old cliche “it’s not you, it’s me”. But it’s the fucking truth. It isn’t him. It’s me and my fucked up mentality over AFJF. Yesterday made 3 years exactly that he came back into my life. Three. Fucking sick. How could I let one person fuck me up this bad? Is that normal? I’m going to go with a big no on that last question. Anyway, I was completely honest with Petunia and now he’s all upset. Way to be a man. I could’ve been the biggest bitch and gotten the same reaction, which is what I should’ve done.

Anyway, AFJF completely ruined me. I hate feeling like this. Why would he do this? Why say you love me then completely rip my heart out, step on it, then spit on it? I could never do that someone.

I am fine not being in a relationship. I have always been happy being single. What I am not happy about is the fact I am not in a relationship because someone fucked me up so bad that I’m scarred for life.

So enough crying. I need to just keep it moving and have fun being single like I used to.

Oh hell. I forgot to talk about Cinco de Mayo. So, six large margaritas and a couple beers deep, I somehow got into contact with Robocop. WTF right?!?! HAHA!!! All I remember is yelling at the top of my lungs. I have ZERO idea why we fought. Why do I let tequila fuck me up like that? So of course I had to block Robocop because that is just embarrassing as fuck. I have a feeling I was taking my frustrations about AFJF out on Robocop. And as much as it pains me to say this, Robocop didn’t deserve my bitchiness. Not THIS time.

I feel like I need to get a tattoo or get something pierced. Or some new underwear. Let me think on that…

*queue awesome Kenny G elevator music*

XO Vanessa

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