SWIPER NO SWIPING…LEFT OR RIGHT?!

So things did not work out with TaDOW. From this point forward we are calling him bd–BIG DISAPPOINTMENT. I had seriously gotten my hopes up with him. I don’t understand how someone can be so into you then drop off the face of the Earth. bd finally talked to me a couple weeks ago. His excuse for not responding was that I already seemed really mad and he didn’t want to deal with it so he kept ignoring me. All I could do was laugh. I have never in my life had someone be so much of a ballsack toward me. I never sent him anything rude, mean, out of line, or angry for that matter. Asking for a conversation about what is going on is not angry. How about you stop being a little cunt bitch, be a man and talk to me? After getting the run around, zero answers, and just a complete shit conversation, I told him I was going to just move on and leave him alone. Mind you, all this happened on snapchat. Are we in junior high or in our 30’s? I have never been so embarrassed before. Okay okay…maybe I have. But this is up there in the top five for sure.

I kept him on my snap like the petty person I am though. bd will see this GLOW UP! I don’t know what his reasonings were for acting the way he did, but it isn’t my problem anymore. He will send me random messages like he did before we started talking and I just ignore them or say something very smartassy. He did end up saying that my version of events weren’t correct, but I am smart enough to know he was deflecting. He also had the audacity to tell me I wasn’t consistent and when I asked how he ignored me. I honestly hope he finds some sort of happiness. I have to feel sorry for someone that is clearly very unhappy in life. That is the only explanation for him acting shitty towards me when I didn’t do a damn thing.

The one thing I can say I am happy about is the fact we did not have sex. I usually get very attached when I have sex with someone I like. Can ya’ll imagine? I would’ve went off the deep end. I can’t lie and say I’m not sad about the situation. I let it consume me sometimes and I know that is unhealthy. I think about that and then immediately wonder if I will ever be happy with someone or be alone forever.

I recently got Tinder again because I am a glutton for punishment. Of course bd was on there and me being the stupid bitch I am, I swiped right. He did too and that pissed me off even more. You give me the excuse you can’t talk to me because you’re so stressed with work and busy, but you have time to swipe on tinder. Makes sense.

Swiping left and right is old. It brings zero joy to my life. I was fine when I was 24 and had a will to live. I am about to be 31. I am single, drowning in debt, drive an old car, and getting fatter by the day. BUT, I can change all that… and I will. I have no one stopping me but myself.

Anyway, back to Tinder. I have had quite a few matches and they are all so gross. The pick up lines. The desperation. The pushiness. I have unmatched a good bit of them because of their AUDACITY. I make it clear what I am looking for and they still have the nerve to step to me like uncultured fucks. So, I save all of us some time and unmatch. What in this world makes you think I want to send you a picture basically of my uterus when I don’t even know your last name? BYE!

As far as bd, I am not over it. I am hurt. I am upset. I am tired. I know that one day I will get over it. I know I need to start by deleting him from all my social media, but like I said, I want him to see this glow up.

He will come crawling back like five of my exes recently have.

I hope ya’ll are staying safe during COVID and being nice humans toward one another.

This world needs all the love right now.

 

XO Vanessa

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TIME TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL

What a hell of a day it has been here in the DIRTY SOUTH. After a productive day of getting shit done, AFJF texts me. I literally have ZERO will power in this situation and it kills me. So of course I texted him back asking what the fuck he wanted. He wanted me to call him. Usually when he asks me to call him, it is to see what I am doing. Not to apologize for being a shitty ass person. Well, apparently hell froze over in the south today.

He apologized in detail for what he had done to me. I have waited so long for this. I should’ve been ecstatic. I should’ve been forgiving; but I am past that point. I broke down explaining that not even a sincere apology can fix the damage that has been done.

In my heart, it made everything worse. To hear from his own mouth the hurt he caused me, made me relive everything. He now realizes the tremendous pain he has caused me, but it’s too late. It isn’t like he wants me back or anything. I expressed to him that there will never be a friendship between us…

…and I am okay with it.

With that being said, I am throwing myself into social media as an outlet. I want women to know that it is okay to not forgive. I want them to know that they will love again. I want them to know it is okay to have casual sex. I want them to know just because they love having sex, doesn’t mean they are sluts.

I am in the process of creating a Facebook page connected with this blog. If you want to keep following my journey, just click the link I will provide below. I appreciate the love and support from you all.

https://www.facebook.com/Keeping-the-South-Dirty-1080767735344831/

XO Vanessa

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IT’S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE

So I fucking did it again. I went MIA on you guys. Definitely not my intention. I have really been having a rough few months. I thought anxiety attacks were behind me, but I guess I was wrong, and I guess AFJF had that kind of power over me for me to actually have one again.

I’m not sure where I left off with AFJF, and I am not sure I want to pick up on it. How about we just fast forward to present day so I don’t go out and walk to get another six pack of beer. Yes walk, because my battery died in my car. But I digress.

So the past few months I have been trying to stay positive and not let anything from me and AFJF’s past get to me. After numerous attempts to block him from my life, I realized I was going to have to take action. Legal action. You guessed it, I contacted G-Man. If  you have no idea who I am referring to, go back a few posts. Anywho, he told me the necessary steps I should take in order to file a harassment complaint against AFJF.

The more I thought about it, the more anxious I felt. Did I really want this poor soul to get arrested over me?

I should’ve kicked my inner self right in the vag for being soft. Today was a trying day with him. He contacted me and basically thinks it is hilarious that I keep asking him to leave me alone. He pries into my business, and acts like he did nothing wrong.

But that isn’t what makes me sick to my stomach. This is what tear-stains my pillow every night…

He has never apologized for treating me the way he did. He never apologized for telling me he would never hurt me and doing just that. He never apologized for telling me to eat a dick whenever I tried to help him through some shit. He never apologized for up and leaving with no explanation.

I know my thoughts are everywhere with this and I am truly sorry. For once in my 27 years of existence, I have nothing to say. I’m hurt. I’m confused. I’m lost…

…but I am taking it day by day. I know that one day I will be okay. I know that I won’t cry myself to sleep every night. I know that thoughts won’t fill my mind of where I went wrong. I know I am not to that point yet, and I have accepted it. I know I have a long road ahead of me.

I also know that there isn’t heartbreak behind every corner. I will never lose my ability to let myself go and to love hard.

XO Vanessa

okay

 

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ROMEO IS A CUNT

I realized I have been totally MIA… and I have A LOT to tell.

The last Friday in September I went out with my girls. I asked Romeo if he wanted to come and he said he didn’t know what he was doing that night but he’d get back to me. Blah blah. So I got all cute and went out.

A while or so had passed since I was at the bar and I look at the door and Romeo is walking in behind some nasty ass looking skank. I about died because everyone in the damn bar turned to look at me.

I guess he knew he was wrong because immediately he came up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and just stood by my side. I didn’t even talk to him. I was so upset. My girls could see so we decided to go to another bar. I got up out the chair, looked at Romeo, gave him a hug, a kiss on the cheek and said bye. He asked where I was going.

I looked back and said “Don’t worry about me” and winked. It was amazing. I was hurt, but it was an amazing moment for Vanessa. I got completely fucked up that night and went home alone.

Eesh.

I hadn’t talked to Romeo the rest of the weekend or Monday. Tuesday he texted me asking how my day was. I wanted to unleash my bitchiness at him, but I didn’t I played it cool. I was a little cold toward him but he deserved it.

We talk every now and then but I REFUSE to keep playing these dumb ass games.

That weekend I ended up going home with my office’s insurance guy. We will call him 401k. Was it Romeo? No, and it was nice to have a meaningless one night stand.

Or so I thought.

401K has been blowing up my phone since. STAHP!!! I think he finally got the hint because I haven’t heard from him since Thursday afternoon.

G man is out of the picture. So he is a non factor.

I am letting Romeo simmer right now. FUCK HIM.

XO Vanessa

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FINALLY GOT SOME DICK

I know I have totally been MIA. All last week I was training my replacement at work because I got a new job. And this week I actually started my new job so I haven’t really had any down time. I have so much to tell you guys it is unreal. This weekend was completely crazy.

So it started out Friday night. My girl Talulah wanted to go out, and I reluctantly went. We were at our favorite bar for a while and all of a sudden who walks in but none other than Robocop. UGH! Why?? I know he saw my car there, I have a personalized plate and my car is very distinctive.

So he walks in and we are actually very cordial until I took my phone out. Talulah wanted to take a picture of us three together so I got my phone out to do so. Robocop went completely nutso. He grabbed my phone and threw it across the bar. (Did I mention that Robocop is dating Talulah’s niece? That is a sticky situation. They don’t talk at all, so we will refer to her a Cunty McCunterson.) So I get mad and go off about how he cheated, and all that jazz. WHATEVER. We got over it and were cordial again, but then all of a sudden he left. Literally disappeared. No one knew where he went.

The next morning I got a phone call from Talulah. One of our mutual friends had seen Cunty McCunterson’s car parked down the road from the bar. She was sitting in it with the headlights off and Robocop was walking away. HAHA He got busted.

Saturday night I had a surprise party for a friend. I went and texted Romeo that I missed him. He told me to go pick him up…from his house. WHAT? So I went to his house. His truck wasn’t there. Apparently he was intoxicated already and had to get a ride home from where he was. We decided we were going to go out, but he took forever getting ready. I went in the bathroom to look in the mirror and he grabbed me and said “look how cute we look together”. Where the fuck was this coming from? Then I went wait on him by laying on his bed and of course he wanted to get frisky, but I told him later we would. So we went out.

We got to the bar and who is the first person I see… Mama’s Boy. Are you fucking kidding me right now? UGH. I was praying he would not fuck with me. I know Romeo has no idea who Mama’s boy is, but Romeo kept kissing me and hugging me and basically letting everyone know that I was his.

Can he be drunk all the time? LOL I love that side of him. He just lets it all go and doesn’t hold back.

So we leave the bar and go to his house. Of course we get intimate. But it wasn’t like usual. We were being silly and it was hilarious. I can say it was a great night. Earlier that night he told me that I always sleep on top of him. So I told him I’d stay on my side of his king bed and he should stay on his. Guess who was on Vanessa’s side the whole night holding me? uh huh. I made fun of him in the morning for that lol.

Another thing he did.. he kept saying “kiss me if you love me”. Eh. We all know I love him. I think he is finally starting to see it.

XO Vanessa

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I WANNA GET FREAKY WITH YOU

The title has nothing to do with what I am about to write. The song just came on my iPod (Romeo sings it to me) and it makes me happy 🙂

So a while back I did a piece on why women love older men. This time I wanted to try to do a piece on why men like younger women and the results of my research, well, were disappointing. Most of the articles I found were basically dogging the concept of an older man being with a younger woman. LORD. I decided to take what one article says and explain why those reasons are bullshit.

1. He is having a mid-life crisis.

Seriously? Not all older men are searching for their youth. I think one of the reasons Romeo and I get along so well is the fact that I am not like any other single 25 year old around here. I’d rather stay home and drink wine while curled up on the couch watching crappy tv shows with someone holding me. I think some men are attracted to younger women who can hold their own, not just some bimbo with big tits. Romeo and I have stimulating conversations about current events and his kids. Although Romeo did discuss with me buying a sports car for when we go out, ONLY because he has a gas guzzling truck. So that doesn’t count 😉

2. He wants to have a child or more kids.

Eesh. This one is tricky. I know a few men that have gotten with younger women for this sole reason. Romeo has joked about it, but when it comes down to it, he is done with kids. Well, I mean, whatever happens, happens. I know he isn’t screwing me to have children. If it would happen I know he wouldn’t run from it, so that is a plus. I am assuming men do this because they think older women can’t have kids safely. Eh, I’m not too big on kids so we will just let this one slip away into the black hole of the internet.

3. Younger women are less demanding.

I would love to agree with this one, but we all know it is false. Women are women. We all have demands. So do men. It makes us human. I, as a woman, know that I cannot control a man, nor do I want to. Being a demanding little bitch really isn’t attractive. I know females like this, and they wonder why they are single. Stop being a controlling little bitch, and MAYBE you might get yourself a man. Anyway, I am not the type to make someone do something or force things to happen. Obviously. Five months and still no commitment? Yea. I do have my moments though. I am a woman, it is only natural to be demanding, SOMETIMES (just not with Romeo, I know it pushes him away).

And that’s that. I usually turn the other cheek when people criticize men for dating younger women. It is easier to do that than to argue with ignorance.

XO Vanessa

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FRISKY FRIDAY

So I guess things are back on track with Romeo. I texted him this morning and a rather entertaining conversation ensued, as seen in the picture above. He knows how to get me hot and bothered.

I told him he better make it up to me soon since he has me all turned on at work! So unfair.

I have plans this weekend to go watch Drum Boy and his band, but I think I may just stay home and relax. Maybe see if Romeo wants to do dinner. We haven’t went out since July.

Nothing else to report to you guys today. Hope ya’ll have a safe and fun weekend 🙂

XO Vanessa

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IT WAS THE NIGHTINGALE AND NOT THE LARK– in other words, yo ass ain’t going anywhere

Well, me and Romeo are back in the fucking cycle, and I don’t mean literal fucking. 

Friday evening we talked a little bit and that was it. I sent him a sexy picture and he didn’t respond so that was that. I didn’t fuck with him all weekend and he didn’t talk to me. This morning I didn’t even text him good morning. I am done making the first move. 

I haven’t even logged on to Facebook since yesterday evening because every time I do, I see him liking some little skanks pictures or what not. I know it doesn’t mean anything; it is just Facebook. But it fucking irritates me. He can be on that but can’t even talk to me? 

I really think he has some personal issues and fears that he needs to overcome. I am not really sure what happened with his ex wife, like who left who. I really need to delve into his past to understand where he is at now. I just don’t want to overstep my boundaries considering we aren’t an item. I mean, he licked my ass, you’d think we could talk about anything. 

I know I have trust issues when it comes to men, but he knows that. I have been upfront with him about most things in my life. I am mostly an open book and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I blame Robocop for my trust issues. I know I can’t do that forever, but he really fucked me up. I have never been so disrespected in my life. When I met Romeo all of that changed. He was non-judgmental, he liked me for me, and told me I was too good of a person to be hurt. 

So then why is he doing the one thing he said I was too good for? I hate bringing these things up with him but I hate to put pressure on him, but I can’t keep going like this. 

Either he needs to learn to commit, or I am going to have to walk away. It hurts my heart to even type that. It has been five months this weird relationship has been going on. Reminds me of what I went through with OBM, except this isn’t superficial and contrived. That was just a hot mess.

I do understand one of Romeo’s biggest concerns: our 24 year age difference. Okay, sure he is older. Doesn’t mean either one of us has ulterior motives. And it isn’t like we are pulling a Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison (if you have no idea who I am referring to, Google it– it is quite entertaining). I did hear from a credible source that he is worried about what my dad will think. Well, fuck. I get that, too. But this is MY life and I will do what makes me happy and that is all my dad cares about. Romeo just doesn’t get that. 

Clearly I don’t like being alone, but I am also not one to settle. I wouldn’t keep going along with this charade if I didn’t actually care about Romeo. You guys know. I’ve told you how I have tried to see other people, and it just doesn’t work. 

I will keep you all updated on the saga of Romeo and Vanessa.

XO Vanessa

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FRUSTRATED…SEXUALLY

I have been so frustrated the past two days. Romeo is distant and it isn’t because he doesn’t want to be with me. I guess I should’ve known what I was getting myself into when I started seeing a man with active kids. I can’t fault him for a being a great dad and attending all of their functions. It actually makes my heart smile that he does that. I am being selfish by being frustrated. So I told myself to get over it.

He still talks to me every day. So I can’t complain. What I can complain about is that I keep sending him sexy messages and he responds something sexy back knowing damn well he is too busy to fuck. KILLING ME! If I would see him right now, I would jump him. Even in public. I’d take that charge. That is how good his dick is. 😉

No plans for this weekend except laying low. Been going out way too much. Neglecting my body and health. So catching up on my rest this weekend and giving my liver a break. 

If something pops up (hopefully Romeo’s dick) I will keep ya’ll updated for sure!!!

XO Vanessa

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TO THE LEFT TO THE LEFT. OR TO THE RIGHT. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, SIR.

I have totally been MIA lately. It was obviously Labor Day weekend and we had a festival going on in my town. More like a skank fest. Brings out the serious white trash of the community and surrounding communities. Anywho, Saturday night I went out. Met a couple of guys that were in from offshore. One was a swinger. LAWD lol. It was quite hilarious and interesting at the same time. I wasn’t really into them but they gave me their numbers. Cool. Drum Boy was there. His band was playing. He ended up bringing that skank girl with him. Eesh. She is tragic, but whatever floats his boat. I guess I just liked him because of the challenge. He can have his 40-year-old looking 21 year old. Yea, she is 21 and looks 40. GRODY to the max. 

Around 11ish I texted Romeo telling him I missed him. He texted me back the emoji with the kissy face and said he would leave the door unlocked for me. I left that bar so fast. I went home to bath and headed to Romeo’s. I got there and he was laying on the couch looking handsome…as usual. I laid next to him and he played with my hair and said I smelled like an ashtray because I hadn’t washed my hair. OOPS! He was fine with it though. I could tell he was a little liquored up so it didn’t matter.  

He started getting intimate and I told him I was not having sex on his couch because when he puts me in crazy positions I always end up super sore. So we went to his room. He turned on the extra fan for me while I undressed and got into his bed. 

We wasted NO time getting down to it. It was rough, sweaty, and sexy 😉 

Went to sleep for a bit then he woke me up by sticking his dick in me. Crazy positions all night. It is always interesting and never boring with him. Probably why I am so attracted to him. My little freak. 

He did put in some serious work. Even with two fans and the air on, he was sweating his ass off. literally dripping on me. Nothing sexier than two sweaty bodies fucking. It may sound gross, but it is amazing. 

I woke up around 6:30ish to go home. We cuddled a little bit before, I crawled on top of him to kiss his neck and he got up to walk me out. We talked all weekend which makes me super happy. It isn’t like usual where we wouldn’t talk for a few days. Maybe he is finally seeing the fucking light. 

He even sent me a selfie of him and his daughter Friday night. So adorbs. I can’t help but love the man. 

That damn L word. Speaking of…

LAWD! The drama the ensued Sunday after a post I made Saturday night after I left bar. 

I posted that I had met a swinger. Well one woman on there said something along the lines of me hooking up with him and I said “oh no girl, I have a boo.”

Guess who messaged me Sunday after seeing that? Sir.

He said, “you got a boo?”

I fucking lied and said no, I just didn’t need her in my business. 

UGH. I know ya’ll, I should’ve just told him. I just hate hurting people’s feelings but he should know the truth. 

Later that day he messaged me asking me to go to a wedding. I didn’t respond because I was getting ready to go out, and he sent me another message going off! So, in true Vanessa fashion, I went off too. 

He told me to fuck off, I needed to grow up blah blah blah. I told him the world doesn’t revolve around him and he needs to grow up. I am 25. He is 40. He sends dumb messages and I need to grow up? Right. After I went off on him he didn’t respond. FUCK HIM. 

He kept saying he didn’t deserve my bullshit. That was what really set me off. I had explained to him numerous times it wouldn’t work and that I didn’t want anything with him, yet he still pursued me. That was his fucking fault. I tried being nice, but he would say the most smartass, rude things, I just lost it. 

Hopefully that is the end of that. Lesson learned. Tinder guys are just fucking weird. 

Still have my Romeo though 😉

XO Vanessa

 

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